THE SHARK

 

 

 

 

 

 

IT WIS THE LAST HAUL ON A FRIDAY FIN THE SHARK DROPPED ON THE DECK

OOT O’ THE COD END.  HAULIN’ IT FORRIT OOT O’ THE WYE THE SKIPPER SAID

TAE TOMMY FLYNN FIT ARE YE GAUN TAE DEE WI’ THAT, THROW IT BACK

OWER THE SIDE IT’S NAE WORTH NITHIN’.  BUT TOMMY HAD SOMETHIN’ ELSE

ON HIS MIND FIT HE WID DEE WI’ THE SHARK. LATER ON THAT NICHT EFTER

THE HAD FEENISHED LANDIN’ THEY GIED UP THE ROAD FOR A PINT OR TWA

AND AS USUAL THEY GOT KERRIED AWA, THEIR INTENTIONS WERE TAE GO TAE

THE DANCE IN THE CORRAN HALLS LATER ON BIT THEY HAD LEFT IT TOO LATE,

AS YOU HAD TAE BE IN AFORE THE PUBS SHUT.  NAE TAE BE DETERRED FLYNN’S

EARLIER IDEA CAM BACK INTAE HIS HEAD, C’MON BACK DOON TAE THE BOAT

AND GIT THE SHARK AND WE WILL DRAG IT OWER TAE THE SHELTERS FAR THE

COURTIN COUPLES SIT HE SAID TAE THE REST O’ HIS BOOZIN BUDDIES. HEARIN’

THE PLAN THEY READILLY AGREED TAE TAK PERT IN THE PRANK, SO THEY

DRAGGED THE SHARK OWER THE PROM AND SET IT DOON ON THE SEAT. HIDIN’

AHUN THE EDGE O’ THE PIER THEY WAITED FOR THEIR FIRST UNSUSPECTIN’

COUPLE.

THEY HIDNA LONG TAE WAIT AFORE THEYARRIVED, AS THERE WISNA ONY

STREET LICHTS NEAR THE SHELTERS IT WIS THE IDEAL PLACE FOR COUPLES

BEEIN’ ON THERE OWN FOR A BIT O’ SNOGGIN’.

IT WIS FINE AND DARK BUT THAT WIS TAE BE THE DOWN FALL FOR THE LOVEBIRDS.

THE UNSUSPECTIN’ PAIR MADE THEIR WYE INTAE THE SHELTER BUT FIN SHE

SAT DOON THERE WIS AN IMMEDIATE SKIRL O’ HORROR. “FITS WRONG”?

ENQUIRED HER SUITOR ,” FITS WRONG, I’VE JIST SAT ON A SHARK” SHE

SCREAMED. DINNA BE DAFT HE ADMONISHED HER, BUT FIN HE EXAMINED THE

SEAT HE SOON FOUND OOT SHE WIS RICHT.  MEANTIME THE BOLD LADS WERE

IN FITS O’ LAUCHTER, BUT FIN THEY HEARD THE COUPLE SAY THAT THEY WERE

GAUN TAE PHONE THE BOBBIES THEY THOCHT THEY HAD BETTER REMOVE THE

EVIDENCE.  GRABBIN’ THE SHARK BY THE TAIL THEY DRAGGED IT BACK ALONG

THE PROM INTAE THE CENTRE O’ THE TOON.

DURIN’ THE JOURNEY FLYNN HAD DECIDED THEY WID HING IT UP ON

A LAMPOST IN THE MIDDLE O’ THE SQUARE.  FIN THEY ARRIVED HE CLIMBED UP

THE LAMPOST TRYIN’ HARD TAE TAK THE WEICHT O’ THE SHARK AT THE SAME

TIME. FIT HE DIDNA KEN WIS THAT THE REST O’ THE ROGUES HAD SEEN THE

BOBBIES COMIN’ AND TOOK TAE THEIR HEELS, MEANWHILE FLYNN SHOUTED

OWER HIS SHOOTHER FIR GODS SAKE GI’ES A HAUN, THE REPLY WISNA LONG IN

COMIN’ BACK , THE ONLY HAUN YOU WILL GET IS AHIN YER BACK WI’ A PAIR O’

HANDCUFFS ON THEM.  LATER CHARGED WITH DEFACING PUBLIC PROPERTY IT

MADE THE HEADLINES IN A’ THE SUNDAY PAPERS MUCH TAE THE ANNOYANCE

O’THE LONG SUFFERIN’ SKIPPER