THE YACHT CLUB ANNUAL BALL

IT WIS COMIN’ NEAR THE TIME FOR THE OBAN YACHT CLUB ANNUAL BALL.

THAT  YEAR MY FATHER WAS TO BE MADE AN HONOURARY MEMBER FOR HIS

SERVICES  OWER THE YEARS TAE THE CLUB.  ON A SETERDAY EFTERNEEN HE

WID TAK THE  ALLIANCE OOT INTAE THE BAY AND SHE WID BE USED AS THE

STARTER BOAT FOR  A’ THE RACES.

JOHN MAXWELL A LOCAL ELECTRICIAN FA WIS PRESIDENT O’ THE  CLUB HAD

ASKED HIM TAE COME ALONG TAE THE BALL AS HIS PRESENTATION WIS  TAE

BE THE HIGHLIGHT O’ THE EVENING.  TELL YER CREW TAE COME ALONG AS

WEEL HE TELT MY FATHER, WHO ON HEARING THIS WIS NAE TOO KEEN ON THE

IDEA BUT DIDNA LIKE TAE SAY ONYTHIN’.

THE BIG DAY ARRIVED AND THAT NICHT HE  GOT A’ DRESSED UP AND WENT UP

TAE THE COLUMBA HOTEL FAR THE DO WIS  BEEIN’ HELD.

HE HIDNA SAID ONYTHIN’ TAE THE CREW AS HE KENT FIT LIKE THEY

WERE, THEY WID TURN IT INTAE A SHAMBLES.

THE PRESIDENT WINNERIN’ FAR  THE CREW WERE DECIDED TAE GO DOON TAE

THE BOAT AND INVITE THEM UP FOR A  DRINK.  LITTLE DID HE KNOW FIT HE

WIS LETTIN’ HIMSELF IN FOR, BUT HE WIS  SEEN TAE FIND OOT.

TOM HAD JIST COME OOT O’ THE ENGINE ROOM EFTER   CHINGIN’ THE ILE

IN THE ENGINE.  ON HEARING THE REQUEST TAE GO UP TAE THE  HOTEL HE

DIDNA WASTE NAE TIME AND WENT THE WYE HE WIS, HAUNS COVERED  IN ILE

AND BLACK AS THE ROAD AS USUAL.APPEARANCE DIDNA METTER TAE TOM

FIN THERE WIS FREE DRINK ON THE GO.  TOM MADE HIS ENTRANCE IN THE

HOTEL  DOOR AND THE LOOK O’ CONSTERNATION ON THE ASSEMBLED

DIGNITARIES WIS A  SICHT TAE BEHOLD AS HE SIDLED UP TAE THE BAR AND

QUICKLY DOWNED A FEW  PINTS AND A PUCKLE NIPPIES. TURNIN’ ROON TAE

FACE THE CROWD ALL DRESSED  UP FOR THE OCCASION, LADIES IN THEIR

BALLGOWNS, GENTLEMEN IN THEIR  EVENING SUITS AND BOW TIES, HE

SPOTTED MY FATHER TALKIN’ TAE THE  PRESIDENT AND HIS WIFE.

TOM THOCHT TAE HIMSEL’ I’LL AWA OWER AND THANK  HIM FOR THE

INVITATION, SO HE STAGGERED  OWER TAE JINE THE COMPANY.

MRS.MAXWELL WIS LOOKING RESPLENDENT IN HER NEW BACKLESS

GOON BOCHT FOR THE OCCASION. SHE WIS COMPLETELY UNAWARE OF THE

IMPENDING DISASTER THAT WIS ABOOT TAE BEFALL ON HER.

TOM APPROACHED  HIS UNSUSPECTING VICTIM AND CLAPPED HER ON THE

BACK WITH THE GREETIN’,  “HOO YE DOOIN’ MRS MAXWELL?”. QUICKLY

TURNIN’ ROON SHE TOOK ONE LOOK  AT TOM, WHICH WIS MAIR THAN

ENOUGH,( HE WIS NAE ILE PENTIN AT THE BEST O’  TIMES ).HURRIEDLY

MAKING HER EXCUSES TO MY FATHER THAT SHE WOULD HAVE  TAE MINGLE

WITH THE GATHERING HER BEIN’ THE PRESIDENTS WIFE SHE QUICKLY

WALKED AWAY. FIN SHE TURNED HER BACK THERE WIS TOM’S GREAT BIG

BLACK  HANDPRINT ON HER BACK.  SEEIN’ FIT HAD HAPPENED MY FATHER NEAR

HID A FIT,  ROOSHELIN TOM OOT THE DOOR AND BACK TAE THE BOAT. ” I KENT

SOMETHIN’  WIS BOUND TAE HAPPEN”.  HIS EARLIER FEARS HAD BEEN

REALISED, “I CANNA TAK  YE NAE WYE” HE SAID TAE A MUCH AMUSED BUT NON

APOLOGETIC ENGINEER.